The Beetle Blues

Lester “Beetlejuice” Green is categorically one of the best comedians in the world, as far as I'm concerned he's right up there with Rodney Dangerfield and Norm Macdonald. And that's not a joke, I'm not a funny guy, unlike Beetlejuice. Once in a blue moon I like to think I manage to come up with a funny thing or two, sure, who doesn't? But Beetle is constantly firing on all cylinders, when he's on a roll he simply will not stop, even to point where you absolutely have to rewatch his little sets more than once to get the full extent of his comedy genius. The way his mind work is just fascinating, random to the point of being kinda surreal and all too impossible to predict. And if a proper joke is based on the element of surprise, then you simply can't ask for a better comedian. In all these things, Beetle is a master. He's way, way funnier than a ton of mainstream comedians who, though hard they try, they can't avoid being anything but generic, predictable or just plain boring. And while Beetle's act can perhaps create a mean-spirited reaction from the audience, or maybe more so from some of his unfortunate and unfunny cohorts, you soon find yourself laughing, not at Beetle, never at Beetle, but entirely with him... And when he's sad, you're sad with him too.

Beetlejuice Speaks Spanish has got to be one of the greatest acts by any comedian ever. It's roughly forty minutes of non-stop comedy, with Beetle in full force, as confident any man can be. He walks in like he owns the place, he manhandles his buddies, he loudly and repeatedly asserts his status as the boss, and he takes call after call, firing back at every single insult with some great ones of his own, such as implying he considers the caller's mother to be a mere masturbation tool, while some of his other insults and comebacks can be downright surreal such as mentioning the caller's niece having adulterous lesbian sex at a football game... And Beetle does all this while standing in the middle of the room, refusing to sit for the entire show, thereby owning the place, overcrowding it with his large presence. I could go on and on, and my wish would even be to write down a list detailing his jokes and reactions, because having rewatched that set a thousand times now, I still keep finding new bits to laugh at. Because I'm not kidding when I say you don't get Beetle's humor right away, it follows you for days and days until a moment comes when you find yourself alone, you hear his voice echoing in your mind and only then do you remember this or that little interaction that slipped you by, and only then do you find it damn hilarious... So if Hollyweird Squares was one of the funniest bits in television history, then this epic appearance by Beetle has got to be very closely tied to it.

Still, when you discover Beet you realize it's not always fun and games, you realize at times he's just not in the mood to perform. In fact, we saw him sad quite a few times. On one of those times he was even tearing up and denying it, childishly saying his tears were just water, on another we saw him giving short and blunt answers while constantly chugging back water in an effort to hold back the tears, and on yet another occasion, the infamous leather jacket and orange beanie appearance, he was in such a dark place he even mentioned suicide... I suppose then we're talking about a man of extremes, a man who, when he feels good, enjoys being the center of attention, giving off such a commanding aura and absolutely shattering any and all boring conversations, a man of such confidence to the point of exaggerating his stories with no concern for his listeners, having been described once or twice as the most lovable compulsive liar ever. But on the other extreme he's also a man for whom sadness hits like a truck. As far as I know, on the second occasion I mentioned he was upset due to his grandmother's death, forcefully deflecting any attempt to be cheered up except when his little nephew called and only then did Beet lighten up so as to not worry him, like a proper, stoic man should. On the third occasion I mentioned it was due to his brother Sean's untimely death, the man who discovered how funny Beet could be and launched his career, but even then Beet tearfully ended his sad appearance with a very heartbreaking – I'll be fine...

So then Beetle is a small man, but with a huge heart. Also a huge penis but that's not as important for now... You can clearly see how he wears his heart on his sleeve, even to the point of at times being openly mocked by some of his fellow comedians, and I use that last term loosely, either because Beetle kept his feelings locked up and they just didn't know, which may be understandable, or just because some of those other people were total pricks, which means they oughta take stock of their own lives and learn to cherish Beetle like he cherishes them. Either way, in those instances we completely feel for Beet, we share his sorrow and immediately take to his side. Indeed it is a bit sad at times because he's not a comedian quite like any other, in some cases he can't or simply won't defend himself in the same way, and he feels so down he just allows the abuse, he positively turns the other cheek... But those are the moments that make him, more than a great comedian, they make him a great guy, because we don't just love to laugh with him when he's happy, we willingly show him true compassion when he's suffering.

And just what is suffering? For Beetle it's nothing, with him even going so far as to get shocked at the idea of receiving abuse for being a little person, one of the many details I noticed in the aforementioned epic set. That's because he's the boss and ain't nobody gonna mess with him. In so many ways Beet strikes me as an openly happy person, which is not to say he don't get sad, he does, even in some deep sorrow. But being the boss is all about powering through and finding happiness on the other side, because while Beet's lows can be really low, his highs are really high. And though he may so often say he don't give a care, that's not at all true. We know he's a good guy, a funny guy, a confident guy, and a happy guy, all things that every one of us can decidedly envy, at least I sure do. In being who he is, in being so completely true to himself, Beetle made one hell of a career, starting off somewhat controversially I suppose, but soon finding his home with all of us. I guess more than a comedian what he really is is an entertainer because in all things he's incredibly entertaining, either when he's owning rude callers trying to mess with him or when he's at a buffet, softly and elegantly plating his food.

Now, we may all have love for Beetle, but the proof of the love he has for us can be found way back in 1999, on Beet's first ever TV appearance when he was beside his brother Sean, who kept laughing in disbelief that it was really happening, that Beet really was on TV and that surprisingly enough he was being the mature one in the entire discussion. And when the host asked about Beet's unusual job of being tossed for a living as part of his overall entertainment skills, Beet answered with the simplest and most beautiful phrase of all when he said – It don't make no difference but I do it anyway, you know, I make people happy.

After that I got nothing more to add. At the end of the day I just hope Beet knows how happy he made all of his fans, and I just wish that in his saddest moments he could laugh as heartily as in his happy moments he has made me laugh... So all hail king Beetle, long live the king!

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