The “Fast & Furious” Movies Punish You for Being Smart, and That's Why They're Awesome

I very casually liked the first two Fast & Furious movies when I was a kid, mostly because they were constantly on TV during those lazy saturday afternoons. Over time though I became a bit more serious about my interests in cinema, and as such I began to ignore certain movies I knew wouldn't be all that good so as to make more time for movies I know would be proper intellectual cinema, whatever that means. And so it was for quite a few years, I suppose, until one night when I was in college, me and my friends went to McDonald's for a healthy meal and we engaged in some degenerate conversation. At a certain point they began to talk about Furious 7, which I had never seen before. They just went on and on, constantly describing crazy action scenes one after the other to the point where it was hard to believe so much madness could be contained in a single movie. Then over the next couple of days, out of a mix of curiosity and of not wanting to be left out of further discussions on the subject, I watched it and, as soon as it started, I just kept thinking of what a waste of time it was. I wasn't liking it, I knew I wouldn't like it, I felt dumb even by pressing play... until I got to the Abu Dhabi sequence and pretty much fell in love with the movie. I guess you could call it a guilty pleasure but I don't really feel guilty watching these movies – I just love them.

I wouldn't really know how to rate any of them and it doesn't really matter. The first one is the man, the myth, the legend, the second one I like for nostalgic reasons, the third one actually grew on me, the fourth kinda sucked though, but after that they really found their style. And so I would submit Furious 7 is my absolute favorite, perhaps because of nostalgia's sake in part, which can be a powerful motivator, but also because it's just damn great. It's crazy, completely over-the-top as these movies should be, and it was given a whole lot of heart through Paul Walker's unfortunate and untimely death. But I'd rather talk about happier things, about cool things, of which these movies are full, and there's one man in this seventh entry that made me realize just how unashamedly cool this entire franchise is, and the man whose character perfectly encapsulates what I mean by the title of this post. That man is Kurt Russell.

When you look back, this car-addicted family has come a long way... In the first movie they were just hanging out in downtown Los Angeles, running the body shop, partaking in some illegal street races, and then very occasionally stealing DVD players from moving trucks. Nowadays though they are superhero martial artist tech geniuses who parachute from secret government airplanes inside their fast cars onto mountainous highways to then engage in high speed chases... This franchise just went up and up and, while that is usually a sign of quality decline, and I suppose some fans might indeed long for the good old days, in this franchise it was a sign of life. I guess it simply works and it's a whole lot of fun. Because after all, not every movie can be, or even has to be, a high-minded intellectual pursuit. From time to time you just wanna have a little fun. And that's why these movies are so great, even when they are kinda silly and unrealistic and dumb, but more than that, they are great precisely because they are kinda silly and unrealistic and dumb. Let me explain.

When I first watched Furious 7 I did so without having watched the third through sixth, I was just, as usual, following along the story and trying to predict its various twists and eventual ending. I reasoned that the God's eye technology was bound to have some kind of deep backstory behind it, a downside or a catch, if you will, or maybe an intricate explanation on how it all works. I expected Jason Statham to have a much more detailed backstory as well, though that was more or less explained, or rather retconned, in the eighth movie. And most of all, I thought for sure Kurt Russell was gonna be the real villain here, it just made perfect sense... But it wouldn't have been a totally original twist though. Prison Break for instance has done something quite similar – taking a group of talented people who are living on the edges of society, proposing them an alliance of mutual benefit, presenting them with any technology they need and then some, and promising something of a pardon at the end of it all, but of course, the pardon never comes, the man in charge just betrays them... So when a mysterious government guy waltzes in offering Dominic Toretto's crew a bunch of million dollar cars and gadgets and airplane rides you think something weird will come of it... but no, nothing comes of it at all. The twist isn't that the obvious villain is a villain, the twist is that Kurt Russell's awesomeness only gets more awesome!

So I ended up spending my first viewing of this movie trying to predict the implications of things that were never even considered, I was just chasing ghosts like a total idiot... It's kinda like when you're playing chess, you don't like your position, you feel like your opponent is outplaying you at every turn, you try to come up with a bunch of best possible moves based on what he might do, but then he just plays a dumb move that hangs his queen... You realize you spent the entire game stressed out when you could have just leaned back, relaxed and enjoyed the ride. That's exactly what these movies offer, and when I rewatched them for the second and third times, I just felt each action scene and each cheesy moment that much more intensely. When you embrace their style you just stop caring about the unrealistic stuff, in fact, you actually anticipate it and loudly cheer for it. They are dumb and make absolutely no sense, and yet you can't look away. And then when you do make fun of some crazy moments or cheesy action lines with your friends you end up doing so out of love. So while my first viewing ended up being awesome as I slowly became enthralled by the action scenes and the characters, I could have done so right from the very beginning, had I only dropped my guard, shut my brain off and just enjoyed the ride for a change...

My whole point with this brief post was really only that Kurt Russell thing, and now, realizing I don't have much more to say that wouldn't be a repetition, I'm reminded of how brevity is the soul of wit, and because long-winded speeches praising a movie that is best watched would have been pointless, I now elect to shut up, as some critics of these movies ought to do as well.

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A Minha Interpretação Pessoal de “Às Vezes, em Sonho Triste” de Fernando Pessoa

Já há muito tempo que não lia nada que o Fernando Pessoa escreveu, e talvez por esse motivo, mas principalmente porque buscava ideias sobre as quais escrever aqui, decidi folhear um livro de poemas dele. E enquanto o fiz, tomei especial nota das marcas que apontei na margem de algumas páginas, significando alguns poemas que gostei quando os li pela primeira vez, há cerca de sete anos atrás. Poderia ter escolhido um poema mais nostálgico ou até mais famoso, mas ao folhear por todo o livro foi este o poema que me fez mais sentido escolher. Agora leio e releio estes versos e comprometo-me a tecer algo que não me atreverei a chamar de análise, porque não sou poeta nem crítico de poesia. Mas como qualquer outro estudante português, fui leitor de Fernando Pessoa e, ainda que talvez mais a uns Fernandos Pessoas do que a outros, devo a este homem um bom pedaço dos frutos da minha escrita, que até à data são poucos ou nenhuns. Mas enfim, estou a divagar... O que queria dizer a jeito de introduç...

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Dá-me a mão e vem comigo. Temos tantos lugares para ver. Era assim que escrevia o Bernardo numa página à parte, em pleno contraste com tantas outras páginas soltas e enamoradas de ilustrações coloridas, nas quais eram inteligíveis as suas várias tentativas de idealizar uma rapariga de cabelo castanho-claro, ou talvez vermelho, e com uns olhos grandes que pareciam evocar uma aura de mistério e de aventura, e com os braços estendidos na sua frente, terminando em mãos delicadas que se enlaçavam uma à outra, como se as suas palmas fossem uma concha do mar que guarda uma pérola imperfeita, como se cuidasse de um pássaro caído que tem pena de libertar, como se desafiasse um gesto tímido... Mas tal criação ficava sempre aquém daquilo que o Bernardo visualizava na sua mente. Na verdade não passava sequer de um protótipo mas havia algo ali, uma intenção, uma faísca com tanto potencial para deflagrar no escuro da página branca... se porventura ele fosse melhor artista. E embora a obra carecesse ...

A Synopsis Breakdown of “The Wandering King”

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This movie isn't particularly well-liked, that much is no secret. People seem to dislike how odd and bizarrely subdued it is, especially considering the explosive nature of its titular superhero. In a nutshell, people find this movie boring. The criticism I most often hear is that it is essentially a very pretentious take on the Incredible Hulk, an ego-driven attempt to come up with some deep psychological meaning behind a green giant who smashes things. And it's tempting to agree, in a sense it's tempting to brush it off as pretentious and conclude that a film about the Hulk that fails to deliver two action-packed hours is an automatic failure. But of course, I disagree. Even when I was a kid and went into the cinema with my limited knowledge, but great appreciation, of the comics, I never saw the Hulk as a jolly green giant. At one point, the character was seen as a mere physical manifestation of Bruce Banner's repressed anger awakened by gamma radiation, but eventual...

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The Gospel According to Dragline

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A Minha Interpretação Pessoal de “Sou um Guardador de Rebanhos” de Alberto Caeiro

Em continuação com o meu artigo anterior, comprometo-me agora a uma interpretação de um outro poema do mesmo poeta... mais ou menos. Porque os vários heterónimos pessoanos são todos iguais e diferentes, e diferentes e iguais. Qualquer leitor encontra temas recorrentes nos vários poemas porque de certa forma todos estes poetas se propuseram a resolver as mesmas questões que tanto atormentavam o poeta original. Mas a solução encontrada por Alberto Caeiro é algo diferente na medida em que é quase invejável ao próprio Fernando Pessoa, ainda que talvez não seja invejável aos outros heterónimos. Por outro lado, talvez eu esteja a projetar porque em tempos esta poesia foi deveras invejável para mim. Ao contrário do poema anterior, do qual nem sequer tinha memória de ter lido e apenas sei que o li porque anotei marcas e sublinhados na margem da página, este poema é um que li, que gostei e que apresentei numa aula qualquer num dia que me vem agora à memória como idílico. Mas em típico estilo d...

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Perhaps it is the color of this gray rainy sky at the end of spring, this cold but soothing day I hoped would be warm, bright and the end of something I gotta carry on. Or maybe it's that I'm thinking of old days to while away the time until new days come along. Perhaps it's all that or it's nothing at all, but Martha, you've been on my mind. I wouldn't dare to try and find you or even write to you, so instead I write about you, about who I think you are, because in truth I don't really know you. To me you're just a memory, a good memory though, and more importantly, you're the very first crossroads in my life. I had no free will before I saw you and chose what I chose... Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, you would have led me down one, and yet I chose the other. But I never stopped looking down your chosen path for as long as I could, and for a fleeting moment I could have sworn I saw you standing there, and then you just faded, almost as if you ...

Paulo Seabra

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