I don't know what to think about Ravi Zacharias. Back when I was a militant atheist I didn't really know him, and yet I vaguely recall a white-haired man with a soft voice, and I may have read one or two comments from christians telling us atheists to look up Ravi's videos, proudly boasting we would have no answer to his arguments. As for me, I probably would have had something of an answer to them, but I would have been equally proud and equally boastful, I would have argued with what I now consider to be an unfounded faith in the meaning of life and in the philosophical underpinnings of morality... What I'm trying to say is that, in recent years, I began to rethink my atheism, and when I somewhat recently found Ravi's speeches, I was rather moved, both rationally and otherwise, and I wondered if this kind indian man with a past sorrow not entirely unlike mine, this man whose love for John 14:19 resurrected him, I wondered if he might have been the one to understand my pessimism and to refute it with, to my knowledge, the only worldview that dares to try. Though sadly, I only discovered his work after he died, and I was then left with the thought that it was now too late. The very remote chance that he would read one of my articles or that he would read and respond to one of my lengthy emails went from slim to none. So I had lost my chance to find a new teacher, a new friend, a good man... But then again, there are no good men, no, not one.
Thus, my view of Ravi is quite the roller coaster ride. I went from having no clue who he was, to wondering if I had seen him before and kept his voice hidden somewhere in the recesses of my memory, to attentively listening to his speeches and quoting him in my writing, to admiring his passion and faith in Christ, and now to wondering if he was at all honest about it... In a way it's very difficult to say he wasn't, it's quite insane to think someone who gave speeches like those actually believed none of it. If he had no faith, then Ravi Zacharias has to be hailed as the absolute greatest actor in the history of mankind. But in another way, it's odd that someone who deeply interiorized the christian message would go on to behave as he did. At a certain point, if the christian religion is true, then christians simply have to be better than the rest of us. Yeah, yeah, we're all sinners, even the greatest among us is nothing compared to one who is least in the kingdom of heaven, and though there isn't a single one who searches for God, the ones who try the hardest should at least come close, no? So what's up with all that failure, all that constant and systematic sin? How can a man find his life in Christ only to then lose it so completely to lust?
You might bring up Satan and Adam, both of whom fell even in the presence of God, and you might also bring up Judas and Caiaphas, both of whom killed God, and I would bring them up too because their names occurred to me just now, but if the whole thing is false then so are those names. And what's in a name? What's in Ravi's name? To many people he would have been a savior, and likely still is, but to many other people, to people who, though they'd be remiss to admit it, have a very keen pleasure in seeing christians reveal their hypocrisy, to those people he's just yet another one, another hypocrite whose actions come as no surprise, much to the contrary, his actions were just a matter of time... I suppose I'm a hypocrite too, so are all of us, and let him who is without sin cast the first stone. And yet, not all sin is created equal. Nobody is truly innocent but then again, nobody is equally sinful. Could I have cast a stone at Ravi just because my sins of lust are only in my heart, whereas his were in the flesh? God forbid, and yet, why not? I suppose I wouldn't go through it but I also wouldn't place myself in front of any other incoming stones. Let him who is without sin cast the first stone, or do as thou wilt? Both sayings seem, for lack of a better word, equal.
They also say power corrupts, and Ravi had a lot of it. It just comes with the job, though weirdly enough, it really shouldn't. If Christ is king, why praise any other man? It's just human nature yet again, we inevitably tend to seek inspiration from people around us, we want to imitate them, but they always fall short of our imaginings. Still though, must they fall so deep and so strangely? And must they show no remorse on the way down? Well, maybe they do, maybe Ravi was remorseful in the end, though it's rather odd considering how systematic his sins were, but it is possible. I guess we'll just never know and that's another problem. Because if Christ paid the price for our sins, and if by accepting his sacrifice we have our sins forgiven, then are those heavenly doors open for us no matter what? Paul says differently but the sense of it escapes me. If a christian truly believes in Christ and in his impossible teachings, then whenever he fails, he's forgiven, he has crucified his old flesh, and yet still lives in it for the rest of his days. So how do you separate the willing sin from the unwilling? How prodigal are you allowed to be before your father disowns you? I don't know and it doesn't make much sense, I suppose it never did. Christian faith would just extend itself to the idea that, no matter what happens, in the end, God will be just. But wouldn't justice entail that the elder son is given more than the prodigal one? It's goes back to the weird paradox of the exclusivity of religion. No one is truly good, but most people aren't hopelessly evil either. Atheists and followers of other faiths go to hell for dying in their sin, regardless of what that sin is, even the smallest. And yet christians go to heaven free from sin, regardless of what that sin is, even the most evil...
Am I, in my atheism and my forever fleeting youth, judging a christian man many years my elder? I guess I am, it would seem that deep down, though I understand the hypocrisy of rejecting Christ one's whole life and wanting his presence in the end, I don't at all understand the hypocrisy of believing in Christ and still acting as any other man would. If the godliest of men are no different, then what is godly? It's all flesh, and sin becomes no more than a pretty word we use to describe ugly things. So if the hungry mob is salivating at Ravi's fall, which, let's face it, some are, then are they wrong? Is their “I told you so” without firmament? I don't think it is. If you are proven right though everyone around you calls you wrong, are you being a liar, are you lucky, or are you a prophet? You tell me, and if you're a christian who has been following Ravi's work for quite a while, did you sense any of it? It would seem no one did because of how surprising it was, but why? Why is it that a man who so seemingly embraced Christ still fell to the flesh? We all fall, yes, but not like that. After a while, if the christian faith makes no difference, then even that is vain, and only pessimism is true.
And at the end of it all, what do we do? When a crime takes place there just has to be punishment. It's not a perfect system, but when it works it's better than nothing, and at least it always gives us some semblance of justice. But after punishment there has to be forgiveness, doesn't it? Though incredibly difficult to say, and yet much easier to say than to actually do, there just has to be forgiveness, both for the sake of the victim and of the criminal. Eventually it becomes impossible to live with all the resentment, which is what breeds this spiral of suffering that spins the world on its axis. And without forgiveness sin can never come to an end, it can never be cleansed from the world through the only action that tries to truly clean it – redemption.
And yet that's all in vain, because Ravi already died. Even more so, he died a good man in our eyes. So now what? Do christians trust God to be just? Do they take these shocking revelations as a half-hearted moral lesson and move on? Do they hide under their same old platitudes and trust that God has called another sinner to heaven? I think christians might be called to pray for Ravi, as they pray for all sinners, but do they want to? As a christian you're a sinner for not forgiving, yet in the world you're a hypocrite for forgiving. It is said man can't serve two masters because he will inevitably love one more than the other, but isn't that what sin and forgiveness are? Two masters in perpetual conflict?...
I don't know and, though I wrote this, I almost wanna say I don't care. Once again, like with most games in the world, the only way to win is to not play. And even God's justice seems unjust.
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