Ranking Taylor Swift's Top 5 WORST Looks!

Nothing in this world is more important than fancy clothes, and nothing is more importanter than the fancy clothes of famous celebrities. And while our favorite celebrities often do look stunning, or at least the fact that they are famous makes it so we all copy their weird looks and hairstyles, thereby turning them into fashion rather than finding them ugly, they can also at times blunder, and to that, no one is immune nor is anyone immune to the internet's all-seeing eye. Because if you fumble, especially if you are famous, the internet will know about it and subsequently have its day. And today our sniper rifles are scoped onto none other than Taylor Swift.

Taylor Alexandria Swift, born in Transylvania, 1889

Now, in all fairness, is Taylor Swift known for fumbling? Gucci forbid! In fact, she often looks effortlessly flawless, much like a playful princess nymph frolicking in the waters of an impossible mediterranean sea, or perhaps a stately goddess ever-watchful of her heroic and long-suffering argonaut. Indeed, her cat-like, piercing blue eyes bring shame upon the sky of any summer afternoon spent by the beach in utter rebellion of winter, and her hair flows mellifluously like rivers of molten gold whereon the sun himself sleeps. But other times she looks just so blargh... So without further ado, I now present you with five of those times.

5. Taylor goes brunette?!

Oh wow, bold move but... did it pay off? My answer is a resounding meh. It's just so 2009 at this point. And by the way, Ronnie O'Sullivan called, he wants his vest back. I mean, what a strange choice for her to dress like a classic concert pianist in our day and age, it's almost dystopian in fact, and for a duet with The Dude, no less! I can't decide if she's a pianist, a snooker player or a businesswoman. But hey, at least the skirt is nice, it really ties the whole look together.

4. Blonde on blonde but... something ain't right here...

All things considered, she don't look too bad here, she just looks... odd. Almost uncanny in fact. The colors are fun and vibrant, the makeup is deftly applied and the hair is fairly well stylized, albeit a bit stale, but her whole look is just plain weird. Something about it just isn't quite right, so I have to say it was a total miss for me, simply not good enough for the standards of this blog. In fact, one single word best describes this look – lifeless.

3. There is a great disturbance in the fashion...

This look is actually perfect... if you intend to lock yourself up in your house and never leave again. I seriously can't even begin to conceive of what she was thinking here... Pink on pink on pink? A necklace made out of scrabble pieces that doesn't even spell out her name? Three pigtails made up of colorful scrunchies and pins? Holy beanbags, Batman! Someone should have grabbed her by her pigtails and hammer-thrown her across a pointy fence... I say, Taylor's style here looks like something a proud mom would adorn her daughter with on her first day of school. It's a little awkward but it's sweet and with a whole lot of charm and personality... In other words, it sucks!

2. Crashing a new Maserati down a dead-end street.

Yes, folks, it's official, and you heard it here first – Taylor Swift has gone red! What a crazy move, especially because of how iconic her blonde hair is, and furthermore because the color red and even the word itself aren't at all prevalent in her discography or style. So yeah, it's a huge surprise, but sadly a terrible one... Everything in this look just screams wrong – the bulky hair, the freckles which seemingly appeared out of nowhere, the green contact lenses, and oh boy, the less I say about the yellow overalls over green stripes the better... This whole outfit is a total spook, the more I look at it the more I want to puke.

1. And lastly, a most unnatural, unholy creation...

Wow, just what is going on here? Jeez, and I thought that other look was lifeless... Okay, first of all, whoever leaked this behind-the-scenes footage should have been fired on the spot. It's downright shameful and immoral when people leak sensitive information. It's why we in the media write about such leaks, to bring attention to just how bad it is to broadcast private information. Second, light-blue just isn't Taylor's color. That dress simply isn't doing her any favors, that's obviously the first thing that we notice. Then the eye shadow is way, way exaggerated, it makes her eyes look deep and sunken in which gives off a stark contrast with her cheekbones which are quite a bit higher than usual and almost bony. She looks like a re-animated corpse, there I said it! Everyone in Taylor's makeup team for this one should have been thrown into an abandoned city full of mindless creatures who will stop at nothing until they overwhelm them and consume their brains...

So yeah, there we have it, ladies and gentlemen – Taylor Swift's five worst looks, ranked, critiqued and analyzed. I hope you had fun going through them and I think you'll find my analysis of them was as thorough as can be. Not much gets past me... Anyway, I'll see you when I see you. Until then, be cool, dress smart, and stay tuned for my next blog post where I'll be going through the top ten autumn looks to make fun of. Hint, hint – number four will make your grandma cry.

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